Who lives in a Pineapple under the sea?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!
Who died in a oil spill because of BP?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!

BY MICHAEL VENTURA
From: WHOLE EARTH REVIEW Winter 1989, page 44
(no longer being published)

PART I: THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF DATA WE HAVE

"ADOLESCENCE" is a cruel word — all the more because it hides its cruelty behind its vaguely official, diagnostic air. The word sounds as if it was invented by somebody part professor, part cop. It condescends, puts "adolescents" in their place. To say someone is an "adolescent," "going through adolescence," "being an adolescent," is usually to dismiss their feelings, minimize their troubles, and (especially if you're trying to be their parent) protect yourself from their uncompromising rage. The words "teenager" and "teen" are worse. They reek of cuteness — and hypocrisy. For we all know that, whatever else is true of being a "teen," it doesn't feel cute.

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Fourteen years ago I ran head on into this amazing and often confusing planet. Guess I should have been riding a different solar wind. After my crash I decided I needed parents. Earth just isn’t a place to be when you’re a formless splattering of purposeless energy, or so I thought. I found my two suckers at the local grocery store. They were bickering over eggplant in the produce section, so I thought I'd really give them something to bitch about: ME. Since my birth the ever increasing tonnage of rules and responsibilities has lead me to the conclusion that being human may not have been one of my best ideas. I sort of feel like a germ on a rock. Now I’m rather impatiently waiting for that solar wind to come back and take me cosmos surfing again, but while I wait I might as well bring some excitement to this perplexing, tiny planet.

My favorite activities are:
• Aggravating the conformists of this world.
• Growling at annoying, ignorant people
• Standing up for underdogs
• Freaking out the world in general
• Being inappropriate and out of context
• Riding horses
• Art and writing
• Creating Street Art
• Freeing freaks
• Turning up the music and dancing like an idiot
• Putting Hot Topic bags in Hollister


As far as I’m concerned, life without difference just isn’t life. Where would we be if everyone was a clone of just one?